I know I won't be happy again... I have had my chance and I have let it go... Such things do not happen twice... I have had the partner of my dreams, one that had nothing missing; I have had a wonderful job and a wonderful career; I have had all success on my own merit; I have earned a good, honest salary; I bought an apartment with help from no one at the age of 23; I have had wonderful friends; I have had strong, reliable and smart opinions; I have been good looking; I have been a genious; I have had the exact amount of craziness one needs to have an exciting life; I have loved living for a while; I have had sense of purpose and recognized what my objective in life was; I have never lost my love for God; I have been free; I have been a wonderful lover; I have been someone most people would envy; all is lost now

Right now, I have nothing.

And I am mature enough to know that the way my life is right now will be completely different in 5 years time. But I am experienced enough to know that no matter how good my life gets, in the end we always fall in the mud with no one to help us out.

I have loved, and I have been loved. But who told you love is everlasting? I thought I would never believe in this kind of crap again... but I did... and I don't want to be fooled over and over... People always admire my sense of judgement, and I think I should preserve that... at least I may be teaching something...

Whose fault was it? Mine, of course! I mean it! Seriously! Other people can screw up your life in one way or another, but when everything fails... this is entirely your fault! And with me it's no different.

I always had this theory: no one could ever be rich, popular, handsome, inteligent, loved, successful, creative all at once. God would never allow it. Well, I was all that for a moment. All at once. And I knew this couldn't be right, and a tragedy was to come shortly.

I woke up today feeling it was going to be my last day. It's funny because all day long I was afraid that a tragedy was going to happen. I didn't look in the mirror and realized I was the tragedy... and I cannot run away from myself!

When one has all qualities all at once, this cannot be maintained for long. And as easily as it came, as easily it goes away. But you can't tell an avalanche to go up the hill again, to be small again and avoid the damage. Losing is so much worse than never having. When I was no one I always wondered what was worse. Now I know.